Politically Correct Dating

Here’s a silly piece I wrote a long time ago and dusted off last year for an audition.

I pride myself on being a sensitive enlightened feminist man. I’ve read Our Bodies Our Selves twice, once in hardback, and I never exploit women by opening doors for them.

I have a tough time at dances, however.  I love dancing, but asking a woman to dance without compromising my integrity is where I get hung up. I can’t ask a pretty woman to dance because I’d be imposing my patriarchal standards of beauty on them. So I look for a woman I’m not attracted to. It’s even better if she doesn’t like me. Or men.

But then my body language gives me away. She can sense I don’t find her attractive, and I end up oppressing her by judging her with my internalized sexist standards, and we both feel terrible.

Fortunately, when I met Jenny, the music was loud, and we were dancing before I had a chance to think through all the socio-political implications. We made a date for the next night.

She came over to supper, because it’s hard to find a restaurant that can accommodate my diet. I used to eat meat and other oppressed foods. But now I don’t eat anything that requires the killing of any animals — or plants. I only eat fruits and vegetables that have already died of natural causes. (Of course, I also include onions in my diet because cutting onions is how I learned to cry.)

I was sobbing over the cutting board when Jenny arrived. One look at the wilted carrots on the table, and she said, “Let’s just catch a movie.”

But I had already made plans—to ride our bicycles to a civil disobedience against fracking. The perfect first date, I thought, getting arrested together for a good cause.

But on the way, she ran over some glass and got a flat tire. “It would be patronizing of me to offer to fix this,” I said, “so I’ll let you do it.”

“I’ve never been treated like this before,” she said.

I explained that that was because most men put women up on pedestals and don’t allow them to achieve their full potential as human beings or, in this case, bicycle mechanics.

“I don’t believe what you’re saying.”

“I forgive you for that,” I said, “because I understand that your mistrust of men is based on centuries and centuries of brutal oppression of women by white men, like myself. And—”

“You are one of a kind,” she said, “And why are you putting that broken glass in your pocket?”

“To recycle it course,” I said, but by then, she had hailed a cab and vanished. She didn’t even write or call me in jail.

I guess I’m just not as sensitive as I thought. So I’ve recently started a support group for men—the White Man’s Burden Support Group—because it’s crucial we men become more attuned to the plight of women.

Our first act of solidarity—since we’re not able to menstruate—is to go down to the Red Cross once a month and donate blood.



One Year Since Launching Bones in the Wash

I hosted a book launch a year ago today in Berkeley for Bones in the Wash: Politics is Tough. Family is Tougher.

My first book, my first launch. Pretty exciting. And nerve-wracking.

bones launch flyer
More than 50 people showed up—standing room only—and though most were friends and family, there were a few strangers in the mix, which was heartening. (It helped that the Mo’ Joe Café, where we did the launch, was a block from where I lived for 25 years and walking distance for a bunch of my friends.)

My friend Bob Schildgen, author of Hey Mr. Green, served as M.C. and read a passage. My wife Nanette and my son Sean also read excerpts. I delivered a brief intro about how I came to write the book, read a few pages, and answered questions.

I was thrilled with how well it went—it felt like a smash success. (Scroll down to see some photos.)

I even ran out of books to sell. I sold 22 books, including the one I was reading from, which had a couple of pencil marks. (I thought I would be tempting the fates if I came to the launch with too many books.)

That book launch was my single best day for selling the book, but sales since have been disappointing. A year later, despite continuing to get positive response and reviews, I can sometimes go a month without selling a book. I did a better job writing my novel than I have marketing it, but I believe that even if I were a marketing superstar, it would be an uphill climb.

I expected that marketing my self-published first novel would be hard, and I was right about that. I thought, however, that I had managed my expectations pretty well. Looking back, even my modest projections seem overly ambitious.

The actual publishing wasn’t too hard—I mean, other than rewriting the book a dozen-plus times and incorporating suggestions and corrections from many readers and editors. Getting the book formatted for Kindle and trade paperback took at least a month, and a lot of careful proofreading, but it was straightforward.

I am close to completing my next novel, Wasted, a “green noir” mystery set in the world of garbage and recycling in Berkeley. I wrote Wasted before Bones in the Wash, and am now rewriting it one more time. Response so far has been positive—most everyone has enjoyed it and three people said they raced through it in a day or two. That’s what I like to hear. And that was the advance reader copy. It’s now at least 3 percent better! 🙂

My hope is that when I launch Wasted this spring, response will continue to be favorable and maybe I’ll sell a few copies of Bones in the Wash along the way.

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More photos here.

Why Design Matters


From My Kitchen Cabinets to the Russian Far East

Last year, I devoted many months writing and designing the Conservation Investment Strategy for the Russian Far East—which was about, among other things, growing markets for wild salmon in Kamchatka, scientists and indigenous hunters teaming up to monitor walruses in Chukotka for climate change impacts, mobile fire brigades fighting wildfires accidentally set by farmers burning their fields. More fascinating than you might think.Conservation Investment Strategy for the Russian Far East

The client, Pacific Environment, was thrilled with the report and I was proud of it too. It’s some of the best work I’ve ever done.

What I found interesting, though not surprising, was that almost all the kudos were about the design, even though that accounted for only a quarter of the work.

That’s probably because most people didn’t read the entire 80 pages. And those few who did appreciated that the design elements reinforced the message of the document.

It’s a reminder to me, as a writer and designer who identifies more as a writer, that in many cases, design is as important or more important than the words.

My plan here is to deconstruct my design process to see if I can learn from what I did, and maybe others can as well. It’s not that I didn’t consciously make decisions along the way as much as that I’ve been a designer for decades and some of those decisions were almost intuitive. Looking back I can see more clearly what I did.

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A word about the writing part. There was heavy slogging along the way—I had to distill hundreds of pages of dry scientific language into a compelling narrative, and there were moments when I was pulling out my hair. It’s not that the content I had to work with boring, though some of it was. But it wasn’t exactly high in entertainment value, so one of my goals was for the casual reader to get the basic message from the decks and captions and headlines.

Here’s an example—I didn’t have a photo for this story, but the concept was pretty straightforward, that satellite photos could document pollution much more effectively than a government agent who has to make an appointment to visit the mine.


What Do Readers Read?

Photos, of course, play a huge role, not just the images themselves, but the captions, which get read, depending on who you listen to, four times more often than the body text. The best captions reinforcing the message of the document. So, for example, the caption for the photo below of two tigers growling at one another doesn’t reference the photo directly, as much as it provides important context—how there are only 500 Amur tigers left in the wild, but they are on the rebound.

Screenshot 2015-01-20 12.16.22

There’s no need for the caption to repeat what the reader can see in the photo.

I also looked for ways to feature people, in the narrative and the images. So much of the content I had to work with was scientific, like the names of threatened species, or fishing harvest data.

The chapter on Chukotka, which is across the Bering Strait from Alaska, and equally frigid, didn’t have a lot of compelling stories. All of the photos I had to start with were of stark landscapes. None of people. In my search for better images, I came across a wonderful website and story by a photographer from California, Sasha Leahovcenco, who was born in the former Soviet republic of Moldava and journeyed to Chukotka to take photos of indigenous people there, most of whom had never seen photographs of themselves before. He was happy to let me use his photos. Here’s one of my favorites.

Screenshot 2015-01-21 10.11.58

Five-Column Grid—It’s Great to Be Odd

Even though I’ve designed dozens of reports like this, I deliberated carefully on what kind of grid to use. Mostly, for reports that are standard 8.5” x 11” size page, I use a simple two column grid, but for something long and complex like this, with maps and photos and charts, I chose five columns, which allows for both uniformity and variation. The default layout was two blocks of text, one two columns wide, the other three. It’s more interesting than two columns the same width.

It also allows for one column of white space when necessary. I found this very helpful for fitting copy. When text was added or cut, and I didn’t want to add extra pages, I could expand or contract the column width and still have a unified look.

Here are two chapter-opening spreads where the left-most column is primarily white space, and the right page uses the 2 + 3 grid. Then comes a text-heavy page with 2 + 3 on both the left and right side.

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Screenshot 2015-01-21 10.13.03

Screenshot 2015-01-20 12.38.26Note also how the map, which is a dominant element in the first spread above, is used on a smaller scale at the bottom of the second spread, as a locator map for the particular region being addressed, in this case, Chukotka. Maps are especially important when readers may not know the area, but even when they do, they help anchor the story.

Another design element that helped orient readers (pun intended) was including a mini-contents box at the bottom of each chapter’s opening page to supplement the map. This was a big and complicated document, and though these mini-tables of contents were redundant to what was in the main table of contents, I wanted to make it as easy as possible for readers to know where they were and what was coming.

Color Bars

Arguably, the most important design decision was to use wide horizontal bars in gold, olive, and rust to feature what I call “decks.” (They are often referred to as “pull-quotes,” but for this project, I more often distilled an important point into a sentence that might been a paragraph in the text.)

Like the grid, the regular use of the color bars contributed to a unified design, but they were even more versatile than the grid.

Because I used the color bars in a slightly different way each time, I was able to use them more than a dozen times without being repetitive. What was consistent was the color palette, the height of the boxes, and the typeface, and what varied was the length and placement of the stripes, and the specific colors. In some cases where there were three lines, I used all three colors. In some cases, all three stripes were aligned on the left. But other times, I staggered them or only used two colors. (In a few places, where I was already using the olive green as a background, I added a fourth color, a darker green to the color bar palette.

Below are a some examples. You can see that the placement, alignment, colors, and length vary, and of course, the words do too, but the palette and typeface keep things unified.

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Screenshot 2015-01-21 10.15.52 Screenshot 2015-01-21 10.18.53

From My Kitchen Cabinets to the Russian Far East

Choosing a color palette is one of the most important parts of a design, and there are almost an infinite number of options.

I knew I wanted warm colors to counteract the arctic content. I started with rust, one of my favorites, and before I realized it, I was working with roughly the same colors I painted my kitchen cabinets in Berkeley a decade ago. (I know I can’t keep using the same colors over and over, but recycling a palette every ten years doesn’t seems to be a problem.)

Back around the turn of the century, my kitchen cabinets were medium brown wooden doors and drawers that were becoming increasingly ugly with wear and tear. On a trip to Mexico, I purchased colorful ceramic (Talavera) knobs from street vendors in San Miguel de Allende, and my plan was to paint the cabinets white and add the knobs for color. The first few I painted didn’t look as interesting as I’d hoped.

So I played with some richer, more intense colors, and after some trial and error ended up with three colors—rust, gold, and olive green. You can see the cabinets here.

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Reinforcing the Message, Telegraphing the Character

Design that is visually appealing and memorable is a strong start. But not enough. The most critical element of good design is that it telegraph and/or reinforce the message and character of the content. Is it authoritative? Whimsical? Serious as death? Important, but not self-important. In the case of the Russian Far East document, it was important to get across the comprehensiveness of the report. Because the length of the report and the long list of contributors at the beginning already characterized it as comprehensive, I didn’t need to do much more with the design to reinforce that. Instead, my primary design goal was to make the report more engaging and welcoming. The colors and the maps and the intimate closeups of people helped with that.

Writing (and Cutting) Sex Scenes

True confession: I have, more than a couple times in my life, poured over a steamy passage in a bookstore or library because, well, because it was steamy.

I’m not the only one. Some of those passages were in best-selling books.

As a writer, however, sex scenes, steamy or otherwise, are, pun intended, hard to get right.

This fall, I’ve done a couple readings from my novel—Bones in the Wash: Politics is Tough. Family is Tougher—and I devoted some of my time to talking about writing sex scenes.

Talking about politics, family, and sex at the Oakland Public Library. Thanks to Tim Jollymore for the photo.

Since there were a number of writers in the audience, I asked for a show of hands of those who had written sex scenes. More than a dozen each time. Then I asked how many were satisfied with what they wrote. Only a few.

I also asked everyone, as readers, how satisfied they were, again, pun intended, with sex scenes in novels. Mostly, not so much.

Which begs the question: why include them? Sure, they’re titillating, and yes, sex sells. But plenty of fun and successful novels are sex-free zones. You could argue that sex is part of most people’s lives, so why wouldn’t it be in novels, but so is peeing, and few authors show their characters going to the bathroom.

Response from readers to Bones in the Wash has been heartening. Reviews have all been positive, some effusively so. But not everyone liked the sex scenes. My wife, for one, and the women in her book group, who discussed the novel one Thursday evening when I found somewhere else to be.

I asked around. One woman friend said several phrases—“ravaged” and ‘his hardness found her wetness”—read like “a cheap grocery store romance.” Ouch! “And take away from the book,” she added, “which I loved.” That was certainly not my intention. It wasn’t just women—one man said the explicit sex didn’t do anything for him.

So I rewrote some of the sex scenes, and uploaded a new version. I think the book is better now, but I’m curious as to what you think. Here’s some before and after.

First, an easy one. This excerpt comes—spoiler alert—after a flash flood has unearthed the bones of protagonist Tomas Zamara’s long-disappeared wife Vera in a wash outside Santa Fe.

original revised
Tomas was not interested in making love, and Tory didn’t tease him or touch him suggestively like she often did. But in the middle of the night, in the moonless darkness, they found each others lips and his hardness found her wetness and they moaned together in two-part harmony before falling back to sleep. In the morning, the sky was bright and the sun was blue. Tomas was not interested in having sex and Tory didn’t tease him or touch him suggestively like she often did. But in the middle of the night, in the moonless darkness, they found each other’s lips and made love slowly, tenderly for a few minutes before falling back to sleep.

Better, right? What was I was thinking? Was I thinking?

Here’s another, from a few chapters earlier. Tomas lived in Albuquerque and Tory in Santa Fe, so on their first several dates, he did a lot of driving. So she suggested on their next date, they do a “sleepover.” No sex, but he wouldn’t have to drive all the way home.

original revised
He expected they would make out a little, but sleepover, to him, implied sleeping. Tory had other ideas. She leaned into his chest. “I love to snuggle,” she said.

She didn’t so much attack him with her kisses, as pull him towards her. Welcoming him. It had been a long time.

He reached under her nightshirt. No underpants. Wet. She wriggled into his finger and purred as he rubbed her. She nuzzled her nose to his. “You tricked me,” she said. “You know exactly what you’re doing.”

After she came, she took him in her mouth, and oh Jesus Christ, how is this happening?

He expected they would make out a little, but sleepover, to him, implied sleeping. Tory had other ideas. She leaned into his chest. “I love to snuggle,” she said.

She didn’t so much attack him with her kisses, as pull him towards her. Welcoming him. It had been a long time.

He reached for her. She nuzzled her nose to his. “You tricked me,” she said. “You know exactly what you’re doing.”

That was simple. Just take a few sentences out. Then, in the morning:

original revised
He slept, and woke at daybreak with a throbbing erection.

Nothing unusual about that, except that here he was in bed with Victoria Singer, Hurricane Tory, her calf resting on his ankle.

She opened her eyes, yawned, then smiled.


They kissed, dozed, kissed some more. And then, suddenly awake, he found himself straddling her, his arms rigid, elbows locked, their heads at the foot of the bed, her unkempt hair spilling over the side. She held him between her fingers and guided him towards her, dipping him in her juices. Knocking at the door. Full of anticipation and desire.

She was so present, her eyes, bright and playful, locked onto his. Her smile beguiling. Then she crossed a line from delight into a focused intensity. She was hardly breathing. He was hardly breathing.

Then he slipped in. Plunged in. Quickly. Deeply.

Did she take her hand away? Draw him in? Was there permission there? Or did—?

He pulled out. Broke from her gaze.

When he looked up again, she had that same intent and lustful look, and didn’t look concerned at all. “A preview,” she said, and then her face relaxed into a grin. As if in slow motion. “Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”


She nodded.

“Aren’t most previews more than a few seconds?” he said.

“You’re the one who pulled out.”

He slept, and woke at daybreak with a throbbing erection.

Nothing unusual about that, except that here he was in bed with Victoria Singer, Hurricane Tory, her calf resting on his ankle.

She opened her eyes, yawned, then smiled.


They kissed, dozed, kissed some more. And then, suddenly awake, he found himself straddling her, his arms rigid, elbows locked, their heads at the foot of the bed, her unkempt hair spilling over the side. She held him between her fingers and guided him towards her, dipping him in her juices. Knocking at the door. Full of anticipation and desire.

She was so present, her eyes, bright and playful, locked onto his. Her smile beguiling. Then she crossed a line from delight into a focused intensity. She was hardly breathing. He was hardly breathing.

Then. Then. Did she take her hand away? Was there—?

When he looked up again, she had that same intent and lustful look.

“A preview,” she said, and then her face relaxed into a grin. “Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”


She nodded.

“Aren’t most previews more than a few seconds?” he said.

“So I’ve heard.”

Again, the same scene, with fewer explicit words. Better? Is less more? I thought so before. Now I’m not so sure. Or I could have cut more. 

Are these minor “improvements” worth all the teeth-gnashing? It’s hard to know. (Though I think eliminating the word “ravage” from my vocabulary is a no-brainer.)

Let me go back to the question I asked above: Why did I include sex scenes?

(btw, we’re talking about five, six pages out of 400. Most of the book is not about sex.)

For me, the answer is because they reveal character.

Sex is something universal that just about all adults engage in, but because it’s private, emotionally charged, and the participants are exposed and vulnerable, it shows who people are in ways nothing else does. There’s also plenty of religious and cultural baggage associated with it, and that can add richness and texture. And because sex is private, readers tend to be curious about how other people, fictional or not, do it.

The best sex scenes aren’t necessarily the steamiest. Great sex doesn’t make for a great scene. What’s often more interesting is when things go wrong. Where instead of ecstasy, the lovers experience distress or embarrassment or loneliness. Which they usually keep to themselves.

My Brother’s Book Review

I’ve been meaning for some time to post one of my favorite reviews of Bones in the Wash, from my brother Michael, an English professor at the University of Detroit-Mercy. He may not be objective, but he does study and teach novels for a living. So that’s something.

(There are 29 other reviews if you want some less familial takes.)

Well-crafted, thoughtful, and fun: I know the guy who wrote this too, and have known him for a while. He is my brother. I was reading the book while traveling this summer, so I’ll start with one story of reading while on the train and one of reading while on the bus. I got more and more embroiled in the plot as I got further into the book, so I wasn’t paying much attention to my surroundings. And when I was within four paragraphs of finishing, my stop on the Chicago el train was coming right up. The train stopped and I had three paragraphs to go. Things in the book were pretty well wrapped up, but I wanted to see just how it ended. By the time the doors opened, I had one paragraph to go. I kept reading, finished, and dashed out the doors just as they were closing.

The day before, I was next to a guy on the bus, and I was talking about the book. I teach literature, so it’s a pleasure for me to talk about books. He was a reader, so he told me about Phillip Roth and I told him about John Byrne Barry. Anyway, he said “Well, it must be awkward, you being an English professor and him wanting to know what you think of the book.” And I laughed and said it wasn’t awkward at all; the book was so good I didn’t need to worry about that for a second.

I like the book’s stories of trying to do the right thing in the context of hard-ball politics. It reminded me of Robert Penn Warren’s *All the King’s Men* that way–there are times when one of the main characters, an earnest young woman who wants to bring about political change, wonders whether it would be a morally just course of action, in the long run, to dig up dirt on her opponent’s campaign manager (who is another of the main characters), to discredit him and win the election for the candidate whom she genuinely believes occupies the moral high ground. There is a meditation on how we can know enough about the consequences of an act to judge whether it’s good or bad (good news? bad news? who knows?), there are references to the temptations of political office, temptations to take care of your people.

Mayor Tomas Zamara has lost his wife, years earlier, in a mysterious disappearance that is assumed to be a murder, and when we see one Mexican drug cartel try to frame another other cartel for the crime, there’s a parallel to another plot playing out that fall, in which one party is trying to frame the other for voter fraud. This book is plot-driven and it is, for that reason, a page-turner, but the author–I’ll call him John–puts a lot of care into the composition of that plot, and the way the small plots start to take on the same shape as the larger plot is one of the ways that shows. The book keeps a lot of plots going at once, and they’re all interesting. At some point a journalist named Bas is saying that this news story he’s covering has everything–family drama, game-changing moments, gangsterism, and illustrious history–and yes, this book has all that.

5. Err on the Side of Being an Asshole

Wasted.091814Every day this October, I am posting a chapter of Wasted, my “green noir” mystery novel set in the world of garbage and recycling in Berkeley.

You can read it like a serial novel, a chapter a day for a month. The day’s chapter will be here, the already posted chapters at johnbyrnebarry.com/wasted.

Chapter 5. Err on the Side of Being an Asshole

“None of us will ever forgive you,” Spaulding says, his fists clenched by his side.

“You might never forgive me,” says Genessee. “That’s your problem. But the others, they understand. They—”

“They don’t have the guts to call you traitor to your face. I do.”

“How brave of you.”

—Brian Hunter, “Recycling Rivalry: This Time It’s Personal,”
East Bay Beat, October 14, 1998

[Wednesday. October 14. 9:30 a.m.]

“What the hell were you thinking?” Barb snaps at me over the phone, her voice scalding. I’ve just returned from a walk to pick up a copy of the Beat. Four copies actually. My story’s on the top of page 3, with a photo of a scowling Doug leaning against a stack of newspaper bales.

“You sound upset,” I say.

“No, I’m not upset,” she says. “I’m furious. How could you not know I would be pissed?”

“I thought, well, you did say it was okay to sprinkle in elements of your life with Doug, and—”

“I did not say that. My professional life yes, but not this personal crap. God, you made me look so snide and petty. You crammed ten years of emotional muck into those lines. You’re a piece of work, Brian.”

“I guess I was far more worried about how I portrayed Doug. I mean, he’s clearly the one—”

“He won’t even care,” she says. “Being an asshole is a badge of honor for him. He’ll pick up a dozen copies for his scrapbook. He thinks being nice is bourgeois.”

“Barb, I’m truly sorry. I don’t have a good excuse.”

“How dare you? Why give Doug a chance to grandstand with this purer-than-thou crap about selling out? What is so horrible about getting paid a decent salary for the first time in my life? I deserve it.

“You think anyone who makes money is bad, and the only pure enterprises are money-losing? Get real. The only people who are going to pick up garbage and recyclables without a decent paycheck are young hippies and immigrants. It’s shitty work. It’s hard on the back. I’ve paid my dues. Doug’s got parents with money. I don’t. I’m sending my mother a check every month.”

“Whoa, Barb. I—”

“Don’t ‘whoa’ me. You had your say in print. I know you think I’m making Scavenger look better, giving them some green veneer. But Scavenger is not going away. So we sit on the sidelines and badmouth them? No. We make them walk their talk. We work with them, we work for them. I’m not here to make them look better, but if they look better because they are better, then I’m doing my job, thank you.”

I knew that it was dangerous to lead my story with the argument between Barb and Doug. But it gave the story the soap opera sizzle it needed and my editor loved it. I’ve been telling myself to take more risks, to throw off the tyranny of the “shoulds.” Act first, think second, and all that. Living a passionate life means taking risks, right?

I swivel in my chair so I’m facing away from my desk. I rub my forehead. I stand up to walk around, but I haven’t yet folded up my futon, so there’s no room to move. I sit back down. I knew she wouldn’t like this. How could I have convinced myself otherwise? Doug was clearly the transgressor in the story and Barb was tenacious fending him off, but I guess it looked ugly regardless.

I write down what Barb is saying. Not that I am going to publish it, though I note that she hasn’t said that I misquoted her or that I was wrong or inaccurate. I didn’t “create” the truth. I reported it.

“I know Con has gobbled up other companies,” she says. “I know they pushed for higher landfill standards to drive the little guys out of business. I know I’m not working for Mother Theresa, though I’m sure she has her dark side too. A lot of those little fly-by-night companies that Con bought were corrupt. Thanks to Scavenger—and Re-Be—landfill regs are stricter, recycling goals are higher. We fought for these things at Re-Be. What were you thinking? ‘This time it’s personal.’ Unfucking believable.”

“I wasn’t thinking, Barb. About you anyway. The story. It was stronger with the personal stuff. But I lost sight of how you would feel, and you always seem to be so tough and impervious to being hurt.”

“That is an act. I bleed like everyone else.” Her voice doesn’t sound tough or impervious now.

“I admired how you defended yourself against Doug,” I say, “and I guess I’ve been trying to be more reckless, not so timid. Err on the side of being an asshole, that must be my mantra for the week.”

“So that makes it okay to turn my life into the Jerry Springer show? You get your personal growth by humiliating me, is that it? How dare you? How dare you?”

“Barb, I am sorry. Really.”

“Stop groveling. It won’t unwrite the story.”

“You told me you’d be used as an example by people who wanted to trash Con.”

“I didn’t expect it would be you. I thought you liked me.”

“I do like you. I always have. I think you’re great.”

“So what is this, seventh grade? You like some girl so you tell her she’s ugly.”

“I like you a lot, Barb. I really do. You’re an engaging and beautiful woman. I’d like to go out with you.”

“Can you run that by me again?” she says. “I must have missed something.”

“I’d like to take you out. To dinner. Dancing maybe.”

“Now why would I want to do that? Why would I even want to be seen in public—with you—after you humiliated me in your goddamn newspaper?”

I rub my eyes, press my palm to my chest. “Because you’re bigger than that. Because you accept my heartfelt apology and because you know I will never ever tell your story again without express written permission in triplicate. Because next time I’ll engage in more traditional courting gestures, like bringing you flowers. Because you and I have both been through the relationship wringer and we can maybe provide some comfort and healing to each other. Because we can have some fun together. Remember, you said it’s been a while since you had fun.”

Silence. It sounds like she’s holding her breath.

“Flowers would be an improvement,” she says, with hesitation in her voice.

“How about if I throw in some chocolate?”

Another long silence. I resist filling it.

“This going out. What did you have in mind?”

“I don’t know, I was thinking maybe we get together someplace quiet for a drink around eight, then go dancing at the BFD club in the city—they’ve got swing dancing on Thursdays—then we go back to your place and make out for an hour or two, then make love until the sun comes up, and then I’ll take you to Lois the Pie Queen for a healthy breakfast with a tall glass of fresh-squeezed orange juice.”


“Or grapefruit juice. I’m flexible on the juice thing.”

“Slow down. Slow down. You sound like you’re reading from some Hollywood screenplay.”

“Hey, if I had a script, I’d know what to say next.”

She laughs.

“You’re impossible.”

“Oh, no, I could not be more possible.”

“You’re going about 60 miles an hour in a school zone. How about we start a little more leisurely, you come over for a glass of wine? And no grapefruit juice.”

She sounds dubious, but I hear some playfulness. I think.

I tell her I’d be thrilled. “And Barb, I know I’m not for everyone, but if you’re looking for someone like me, I’m perfect.”

4. Add Sex and Stir

Wasted.091814Every day this October, I am posting a chapter of Wasted, my “green noir” mystery novel set in the world of garbage and recycling in Berkeley.

You can read it like a serial novel, a chapter a day for a month. The day’s chapter will be here, the already posted chapters at johnbyrnebarry.com/wasted.

Chapter 4. Add Sex and Stir

Recycling has not been as profitable for the garbage conglomerates as had been hoped, partly because it’s more competitive than garbage hauling, which has been dominated by a few large companies over the past decade. Shareholders, demanding higher returns, are starting to jump ship.

—Will Cardinal, “Growing Pains for Recycling,” Wall Street Journal, October 1, 1998

[Tuesday. October 13. 7 a.m.]

Maya lends me her car and Tuesday morning I head out to Diablo Landfill before the sun comes up. Owned by Scavenger, Diablo is set deep in East County near the delta, and surrounded by treeless ridges lined with wind turbines. Cows and sheep munch on the dry brown grass. I’ve arranged to interview James Worton, the chief engineer, but when I arrive it’s Julian Allard who gives me the tour. Interesting. He’s a P.R. guy I met once before, based in Oakland, in the same building as Barb, so he probably rose as early as I did to get here. He says Worton had to testify at a hearing. Maybe. My guess is they were afraid he would stray off-message.

When Allard and I climb out of the truck to look over the hillside where the “possum-belly” trailer trucks empty their cargo, the odor slaps me in the face.

“Ah, the smell of money,” he quips.

For years, the so-called garbage crisis used to read like a variation on an old joke: Landfills are much too dangerous, and there aren’t enough of them around. A decade ago, we were ready to strap garbage trucks onto the space shuttle and blast them into orbit. Then, big players like Scavenger built huge regional landfills like Diablo, a new generation of waste-burning incinerators came on line, and recycling took off. So for garbage companies in California today, the real crisis is that there’s not enough garbage to go around. It makes sense for cities to divert as much waste as possible from the landfill because the tipping fees can be substantial, but for landfill operators, who profit from tipping fees, all that recycling hurts the bottom line.

But Diablo seems to be getting its share. A procession of trucks rumble up the hillside to dump their loads into the hollow below us. Allard points to a nearby area that has been capped and landscaped. “You go down eight or ten feet there and there’s hardly any decomposition going on. It’s like an Egyptian tomb. You could find a hot dog from ten years ago, still all there. That keeps the leaching of anything dangerous to a bare-bones minimum.”

When I ask Allard why Scavenger has racked up so many fines, he says because it purchased companies that didn’t have the capital to meet all the environmental standards.

“It’s like you buy a house that’s got dry rot. It’s your house now, the dry rot is your responsibility, even though it was there before you arrived. That’s how it is with garbage. There’s lots of figurative rot in these companies we’ve purchased. Some of them were downright criminal in their negligence.”

I edge closer so I can watch the bulldozers covering up the dumped garbage with dirt.

“I understand you were one of the early recyclers,” I say. “You were what, a founder of the El Cerrito recycling program? How did you end up here?”

“We’re not here to talk about me.”

“It’s just that, well, I know plenty of people have made that transition, like Barb. You used to be an ally of Re-Be, but now you seem to regard that world with contempt, like somehow the people at Re-Be are rank amateurs or corrupt or something. Or maybe it’s just that you can’t stand Doug Spaulding.”

He hesitates, adjusts his hard hat. “I’m happy to answer questions about Scavenger,” he says tersely. But his displeasure at this line of questioning only makes me more intrigued.

“I think that the Beat readers would be interested in what’s behind this turnabout—“

“That is, if you call the Beat a real newspaper,” he hisses. “I can’t even read it. It’s all sticky with PJ’s gism.”

I take a step back as if he swung at me. The PJs, the Peace and Justice Coalition, are the more left/progressive of Berkeley’s two main political factions. Barb told me Allard was once “one of us”—when he was running the El Cerrito recycling center, he even served on the PJ advisory board. There’s a story here, but I’m not going to hear it from him.

The rest of the interview is perfunctory, and when I hand him my hard hat, thank him, and climb into Maya’s car, he’s as relieved as I am.

When I get back to my studio, there’s a phone message from my editor rejecting my latest story. “It’s the same accusations with new scenery,” she says. “Sorry, but I need something fresh.”

Damn! I bang my fist on my desk. The phone rattles in its cradle. I slump into my chair.

It’s my first rejection from the Beat. I earn $200 per story, but only if it’s published. I want to be a staff writer, though I haven’t said so out loud. There are no openings now and the pay is low, but it’s better than working on spec. In the meantime, cranking out a solid story every week seems the best way to keep myself in contention.

Shit. Shit. Shit. I was finally starting to get some traction.

A long time ago, before I met Eileen, I lived in Los Angeles and had a passionate romance with a flaky but exciting woman named Rain—a hippie with a capital H. She loved taking psychedelic drugs and camping and walking around naked and lolling around in desert hot springs. For a furious and fleeting month or two, she loved me too. Said I soared. We met at an anti-nuclear rally in Santa Monica where my band played. During those next weeks, I had lots of gigs, lots of rehearsals, lots of sex and I was running on coffee and oxygen and infatuation. Tall and willowy with long red hair, Rain wore colorful ankle length dresses with nothing underneath, and wow, sometimes I could hardly believe the life I was living, playing rock and roll and making love with this exciting woman who gushed over me.

She wanted to lead a passionate life, she said. We did. We lived the cliché of starry-eyed lovers. We went out dancing after my shows and then made love and talked until dawn. We read Sufi poetry to each other. We rode rollerblades on the bike paths at Venice Beach. We made out in the back of movie theaters. We walked through art galleries holding hands.

But then the band’s interpersonal shit escalated and we had too many meetings and I got stressed and I wasn’t fun and light all the time and Rain knocked on my door one afternoon and blurted, “I’m not in love with you anymore.”

I was no longer leading a passionate life, she said. The band meetings depleted me. We argued instead of rehearsing. And I began noticing how Rain said the same things over and over again.

I was crushed. Looking back, I can see that Rain was much more in love with the passion and the romance than she was with me. I’m not sure she ever even saw me. Of course, she was unrealistic to expect to keep such a passionate delirious flame burning so bright—life gets in the way sometimes—but wanting it, well, there was nothing wrong with wanting it. I wanted to live a passionate life. I still do. But somehow I let it slip away and embraced caution instead. I don’t even know why.

Now, here in this seemingly endless Indian summer ten years later, I feel like I’m recapturing it. I’m not leaping tall buildings, but I’m moving and grooving, tackling my to-do list with abandon, acting impulsively. It’s not that I’ve turned off my brain, but when I look at my sprawling list of leads and tasks, I pick one and do it instead of deliberating the pros and cons of each choice. Every time I return to my studio, I check my phone messages and e-mail, then make another round of calls and posts. Dial. Leave message. Rinse and repeat. The more I accomplish, it seems, the longer my to-do list gets. And every Wednesday, another story of mine gets published in the Beat.

But this rejection hits me harder than I expect, and I feel like chucking everything and returning to the refuge of counting other people’s money. There’s a comforting certainty to double entry bookkeeping, the knowledge that you either get it right or you don’t. There’s none of that nebulous subjectivity you get with music or art or writing. And no one expects you to work on spec.

I saw this coming, but I chose to be blindly optimistic. The problem is that I don’t have shit on Con. Of course I’m repeating myself.

I have a long list of leads. I’ve made dozens of phone calls. I visited two transfer stations, five buyback centers, Con’s regional headquarters, a bunch of recycling facilities. There was enough show-and-tell at the transfer stations and recycling yards to wrap a couple of stories around. Add a few of Doug’s accusations, some of the parent company’s criminal fines and recent purchases and mergers, and presto, there’s 1200 words. My editor was delighted with the first three stories, but she’s right. I have to amp it up to the next level.

Meanwhile, I’ve found plenty of evidence of turmoil at Re-Be, and I’ve reported precious little of that. I don’t this want to be an exposé of disorganization and posturing at Re-Be. They’re not ruthlessly efficient there, but neither are they ruthless. I want to focus on Consolidated Scavenger, but I don’t have access to anyone inside except Barb.

Of course, I’m not making it any easier on myself by reporting on people I know and care about. I’ve been careful to acknowledge, in every story, that I once volunteered to help Re-Be with its bookkeeping. After my first story, I thought it might be better to recuse myself, but the Beat doesn’t seem to care. It’s an unabashed advocate for leftist and environmental and gay causes. My editor says it’s fine to be supportive of Re-Be as long as I don’t paint them as knights on white horses. And get my facts right.

I want to tell the truth, but not be a megaphone for Doug’s paranoid ravings, or say too bluntly that Re-Be is in as much danger from internal strife as from any predatory multinational. I suppose, like Doug says, I’m creating truth as much as reporting it. My truth, though, not his. But, damn, no one wants to publish it.

Okay, I feel crappy. Get over it. Get back to work.

I grab the phone, close my eyes and point a finger at the piece of paper on my desk. It’s a phone list of Scavenger employees that Doug faxed me this morning. I can see thumbtack holes on the fax. He probably pulled it off a bulletin board when he left Barb’s office. I dial the name my finger is on.

On my fourth call, I get a live person. Judy Killea. She hesitates after my spiel. She has a hint of a Southern accent. “What is it exactly that you’re looking for?”

“Like I said, I’m thinking of applying for a job at Scavenger and I’m trying to find out if it’s a good place to work. What do you do there?”

“Why are you calling me?” she asks.

“I got transferred. Someone said you might be a good person to talk to.”

“You should talk to HR,” she says.

“I want to hear the unofficial story.”

“Not from me you will.”

“Wait,” I say, just as she’s about to hang up.

I look down at the script I threw together, but it doesn’t go this far.

“Well, you see, I’m wondering, Consolidated Scavenger is a big company, is there anyone you can think of who would have a unique perspective, someone who likes to talk—”

“I’m going to transfer you,” she says, and I hang up in the middle of the first ring.

A few callers later, I reach someone who sounds bored and perks up when I start asking questions. He doesn’t seem to like his job much. “Beats working,” he says. I try to draw him out, but don’t get much. I ask if there’s anyone else I might talk to, maybe someone who used to work there.

“Donna,” he says.


“Donna Rowland. Worked in the press office. We went drinking a couple times. She’s way cute.”

“You have her number?”

“Wish I did. I asked her for it.”

“You know where she works now. Or lives?”

“Yeah, yeah, over in the city. Her place I mean. It’s near where they’re building that new ballpark, she said the pile driving started at 7 a.m., shook her apartment. That’s why she came in early every day. You find her, tell her Neil says hey.”

I flip the San Francisco phone book open to R before the connection’s broken. No Donna Rowland, but there’s a D Rowland, which I try. No Donna there. I try the switchboard at Scavenger posing as an old friend of Donna. No luck.

I take a break to do some bookkeeping. Still have to bring home some bacon, even if I don’t eat meat and my home is an office. But I can’t concentrate.

I call the press office at Con, saying I’m an old friend trying to track Donna down. Monte Irwin, who was testy when I talked to him to a couple weeks ago, comes on the line. “Why would we do anything illegal?” he said to me back then. “There’s plenty of money to be made operating a legitimate business. People are always willing to pay someone to take care of their garbage.”

I don’t want him to recognize me, so I cough a little and talk in a low throaty voice. He transfers me to Human Resources. While the phone rings, I practice my basso profundo some more.

“Hi, this is Cathy,” a chipper voice says to me.

“Hello Cathy, this is Bill Jamison, I’m an independent auditor working on your employees’ insurance records for extended COBRA coverage—I’ve got this discrepancy here, I wonder if you can help me. It’s Donna Rowland, that’s R-O-W-L-A-N-D. She’s no longer with you, is that right?”

“She left in the spring. She didn’t take COBRA.”

I walk around my tiny studio and hold the phone to my ear with my shoulder. I talk with my hands to help me stay in character.

“The records I’m looking are contradictory,” I say, turning on the grovel. “In one place she says she wants continued coverage, then somewhere else it says no. I’m sure it’s a mistake on our end, the data entry, we really should pay those people more, awful job, no wonder there are mistakes. I know you’re busy, I can’t expect you to sort this out. I’m calling because the home number says 997-5987, but—“

“That’s the communications department.”

“I’m sure it’s just a data entry mistake on our end. I just wonder if you have a home number.”

“We have a policy about not giving out employee numbers. I’m sorry. Or ex-employees.”

“Of course, of course, listen, I know this would be a pain for you, but might you call her and leave her my number? It would only take a second, and would really help me out. The deadline is the 20th and I’ll be on the road this weekend and then I’ve got this training and—well, you don’t need to hear my excuses.”

I smile to myself. Who is this guy?

“I don’t think you need to worry,” she says, “I’m positive she didn’t request COBRA. She went straight into another job.”

I give her my number, then try three other names from the employee list, leave a few different messages, some as myself, some as Jamison.

My ear is tired. I’m restless and discouraged. It’s only eleven. I’ve already downed three cups of coffee. Another one will roil my stomach.

I wash my face in the deep utility sink. Most of the studios in my warehouse are rented by artists who use their sinks for cleaning brushes or rinsing clay off their fingers. I wash my dishes in here. Socks too. (Not at the same time.)

I call Jesse, my editor, and try to convince her that my story deserves to run. I remind her that my submissions have been well-researched and well-written—she’s hardly had to edit them—and I’ve been on time and reliable.

She sighs. “That’s true, and I appreciate that, but maybe I’ve reached my quota for drama about recycling. Or lack of drama. I’m not convinced enough readers are that interested.”

“But this is not just bottles and cans. It’s an archetypal Berkeley story. I mean, I’ve got strong career woman Barb Genessee, working for a giant transnational with a lengthy rap sheet, squaring off against embittered former lover Doug Spaulding, working for the rabble-rousing do-gooders, the kitchen-table collective. One power struggle mirrors another. At stake, a million-dollar-a-year contract, the city council majority, and if Doug is to be believed, the soul of Berkeley. Add sex and stir.”

“That’s not the story you turned in,” she says.

“You’re right. But it’s the one you’ll get in a couple hours.”